Monday, 8 April 2013

My Utopian Love

Love often leaves you confused, restless, longing and lost... Love - funny(ily) painful emotion. Love always has been a longing for me. Ever since I have understood love, I have longed for it... I sit in my Utopian world and long for my love to join me, to come live with me in my world, to ride my waves of passions and emotions. - I use the word "Utopian" here as I live in a world of my own, which sometimes I feel is quite non-existent or impossible to exist or too difficult/too perfect to exist. 

You know, I have always found it strange and have discussed this with a lot of people that I don't understand the explanation behind the sentence "I'm an emotional person" - Excuse me, actually all of us are. Aren't you? All of us experience endless emotions, the only difference is how we express them. We may choose different expressions to convey the same emotion, but all of us are "emotional"! 



Take me for example, I’m very animated and melodramatic in my expressions. I'm not ashamed to cry in front of people and I enjoy a good hearty laugh. I scream and I yell, and I hug and I kiss. I basically let it all out. My honesty shocks people and my wit leaves them confused *evil grin* :D


In some of my training sessions (umm I was a Trainer before) I have cried and literally yelled at people, but I also have loved and cared like my own. People have called me an emotional fool for being so expressive, but I have believed in living life with my heart on my sleeve. So you think you can hurt me or manipulate me by using my weakness and my secrets? Why not? Please go ahead. 


In the worst case scenario I may cry, feel cheated or used, but eventually I'll get over it. Well, spoiler alert. You get to live with the guilt all life long. Long back, I read somewhere "you want to grow in life, go get your heart broken". I stand by that statement. So, the bottom line is "I live my emotions - the good, the bad and the ugly." :)


So, what exactly do I long for? I long for you to understand I'm not you. My unique qualities make me what I am. I long for what any cliched romantic longs for, I long for you to love me with the constant fear of losing me so that you never take my presence for granted, I long for you to trust me that you will never lose me.


I long for us to share our deep fears and secrets. I long for us to treat each other as little children and keep our youth alive. I long for us to be a family ageing together to see our own little shadows grow to become mom's prince and daddy's princess. I long for us to remain strangers, so that we always have more to explore in each other. 


I long for your eyes to restlessly search for me in the crowd, for your arms to embrace me like you'd never let me go. I long for you to be honest in your thoughts, not do things that you wouldn't want me to do. I long for you to tell me what can I do for you, how can I make you happy and complete. I long for you to demand things from me like I'm your own. I sit and stare at the blue sky, the birds heading home, the trees standing tall and I long.. I pine for my "Utopian love".

2 comments:

  1. I possible opine the other way, still it warms heart to read out the melodious crunch in your writing. May you “live” your world, your dream, your passion…

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  2. @ Syed Amir Manzoor - It is a sheer pleasure that you spare your precious minutes on my amateur work. Thank you for your kind words. :) Indeed, all of us do have opinions of our own but it takes a few great souls like yourself to appreciate other's.

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