Love, art & passion

The rebels, the poets, the lovers, the artists and the writers are a different breed. They can often be spotted from a distance and sometimes they can so perfectly blend into the crowd that they forget their form and take the shape of the crowd around them. They will still be lost in their own world, itching to return back to their thoughts and their own misery, yet fulfilling their social commitments and responsibilities.

yaadein (memories)

ye yaadein kitni ajeeb hoti hain, mann ke aangan main dabe paaon chali aati hain… aa jaati hain bin bulae, bin pukare aur bin batae. woh bana jaati hain mujhe woh jo main tere saath tha – kuch khush sa kuch pura sa, kabhi jalta toh kabhi bujhta, teri awaaz se jee uth-ta aur teri hasi se khil jaata hua woh purana sa main.. aksar bheed main talashta rehta hun tujhe, aksar apne zinda hone ke sabut ekathe kiya karta hun – kabhi has kar kabhi ro kar aur kabhi baarish main jaame pani main apne aks ko nihar kar. tanha rehna chahta hun ab, teri yaadon ke bina. nahi chahiye ab ye yaadein bhi ki jo tu na mil paya mujhe. le ja har woh lamha jo tere saath jiya tha maine, woh har lamha jo ab tere bin marr raha hun main bas wahi rehne de.

I don't want to be happy!

What most people want out of life is happiness - it may come with different names and titles; forms and shapes but what we need is happiness. You'd hardly hear someone say "I don't want to be happy".... - Well, at least I've never heard someone say that and if you have I'd love to hear about it.

Sadly, we are rarely happy, momentarily happy, yes, but never in a constant state of happiness because as humans we always want more and more. We push ourselves beyond our limits and often complicate things to add some Drama in life. Well, who likes to be normal, isn't it? We are scared to be normal. It is not extra-ordinary to be extra-ordinary, it is extra-ordinary to be normal.

Give me a purpose

Give me a purpose..... a purpose to move ahead. Give me a reason, a reason that flows through my veins. Excite me, for I'm not one of those who lie still..... Built me a nest and let me fly..... Ah, no i don't contradict myself. I shall come back home after all. Allow me to fly for the vastness of the sky enchants me, the stars in the sky twinkle at me and i live and die like the moon each night. I dislike straight roads, the adventures of hilly terrains allure me.

My Utopian Love

Love often leaves you confused, restless, longing and lost... Love - funny(ily) painful emotion. Love always has been a longing for me. Ever since I have understood love, I have longed for it... I sit in my Utopian world and long for my love to join me, to come live with me in my world, to ride my waves of passions and emotions. - I use the word "Utopian" here as I live in a world of my own, which sometimes I feel is quite non-existent or impossible to exist or too difficult/too perfect to exist. 

You know, I have always found it strange and have discussed this with a lot of people that I don't understand the explanation behind the sentence "I'm an emotional person" - Excuse me, actually all of us are. Aren't you? All of us experience endless emotions, the only difference is how we express them. We may choose different expressions to convey the same emotion, but all of us are "emotional"! 

Lost between different worlds

Is it day or night i ask... to no one in particular. I have books, laptop, pen and paper for company and they complete my being for the time being. I need nothing more and nothing less but it would have been nice to have you as company. You with your puzzled expression when i talk of love, romance and fairy tales with my child-like enthusiasm. 

Love, Sex and Relationships!!

I'm in my mid twenties and living in an age of "know it all". Yes, these days all of us think we know it all. Yet, we always seem so confused about Love, Sex and Relationships!!

We are no more in the era of Does he/Does he not?? Remember playing with flower petals rather breaking petals. :) Now to quote something I read somewhere - "These days people say I love you like Hello!" we are living in a fast track world. Love on the first day, probably then sex, then relationship (if required) and then the break-off, little bit of crying, a lot of boozing, bitching on social networking sites and we are good to go back in the market. You can add and delete things in this list as per your convenience but the pattern remains the same.

On giving 100% :)

Before you give up, give it your 100%. I have practiced this and it usually works too. I'm going to do it tonight. We usually give up on the 99th step of victory, we fail by 1 last step. I'm worried and nervous this time but I'm not giving up easily. :)  

Talked to Madhu ma'am today (she's my boss) and the most amazing woman I came across in my life. Someone with such a beautiful smile that it warms my heart every time I see her, she radiates energy. Love you ma'am. :)

Words from the heart

As I lay in bed the whole day today - falling asleep and suddenly waking up in sweat due to high fever. My illness gave me an opportunity to ponder over a lot of issues. How so many fears have settled deep inside me - the fear of loneliness, the fear of being abandoned by loved ones, the fear of hearing lies and dishonesty, and the fear of losing my parents.

And the realization - dude you can't really help it. Things happen at their own pace, life moves on, people come and go, you have good experiences and bad ones and the good thing you learn to survive all of it - btw by you here I mean all of us. :-) I dislike it when people are dishonest either to me or in general. Yes, indeed I dislike it very much but can I help it? Can I change people and am I actually responsible for others?

A post for my teachers and students :)

Aisa kyu nahi hota main kuch na kahun aur tum samjh jao?? aksar ye kehne ko mann karta hai... :) (Translation - why don't you understand what do I want to say without me expressing it in words? I often think this) i wish people as in friends and loved ones would understand me without much explanations... but then I think how would I feel if my friends and loved ones stopped expressing themselves, will I be able to understand everything?

This one is to Art and Friendships :-)

I haven't worked much in last few days.... Strangely, I don't know what has come over me but I'm enjoying life without any guilt and life is leading me.... :-) An inner voice keeps telling me you are safe and just go out there and enjoy without a worry. Yes, problems continue and life is very messy and uncertain right now but well what the hell. Not that I want to ignore the problems and not solve them or escape them but I want to take it easy. For those who know me, they know I’m a panic-er... but aha not this time... :-)

Saw a couple of movies in the last few days - Gangs of wasseypur - 2 and Shirin Farhad ki toh nikal padi.... strange names na!! Liked both of them... Although, I'd say GOW 1 was way better than GOW 2. Saturday is going to be eventful.... An interview in noon, followed by an evening date with my best friend also my lil' sister Teena (we are planning to meet at Indian Habitat Center) - I'll be seeing her after months.....!!! 

Worry attacks are different than panic attacks!

It amazes me how much do we worry about our future. Have you ever wasted hours and hours pondering and worrying about tomorrow? About what the future holds?? Most of my worry-attacks come at night :) When I entangle myself in the threads of love, studies, career, money, future, job, friendships, marriage and endless such things... 

A lost tale *dreamy eyes*

It Sunday and I have loads of work to finish.. Sitting on the bed, staring at the laptop, trying to work, listening to my favourite show on the radio "Yaad Shehar with Neelesh Misra" - Beautiful narration of stories and classics blended together. I like getting lost in his voice and his way of narration. I live the stories, I feel them around me, I get lost in the lives of characters being talked of.

My first BLOG... yay!!

It has been very long since I created this blog but I never got to time or the will to write anything. I always had excuses... :P That's just the way I'm in life too. I go after things/people/relations which seem difficult to get and I always manage to get them and eventually lose interest! *opps* - was I supposed to blurt this online? It somehow ends up becoming too easy for me - too useless and too boring.. (Will surely talk about this someday) Like Delhi - the city I grew up in.. Now I find it too boring, too familiar. I like getting lost, I like the fear that I may not ever find my way, the panic and then the sweet victory... Dramatic I'm :P